Tips for Parents: Ten Things Teachers Really Think About Your Child

Parents are nutty when it comes to their children. I know. I once had a strong desire to put the smackdown on a third grade boy who had the temerity to reject my then second grade daughter's admiration. Really! How could he!

Luckily, I was able to laugh at myself and use it as a learning experience for both of us. For my daughter the lesson was "life is full of disappointments, but that does not diminish the special person you are." For me the lesson was "keep this moment in mind when you have an irate and/or irrational parent sitting in front of you the a parent-teacher conference." All parents are crazy (literally) about their kids, and they should be. However, they (we?) need to learn to keep it under control lest we teach our children some unintended and harmful lessons. 

I've worked in public school, private school, and charter schools at the middle and high school level. I've worked as an education consultant to school districts with the Council for Basic Education, the Education Trust, and independently. And I'm the parent of a 4th grader in public school. This makes me uniquely qualified to provided some behind-the-scenes information to parents. I know there are teachers who would rather be anywhere else than in the classroom, just as I know there are awful parents out there. I'm not talking about either in this post. I'm talking about basic well-meaning teachers who have made a profession spending six to eight hours a day with 25 (elementary school) to 180 (middle and high school) students and all that involves.

1. First, your child will never be as wonderful, gifted, beautiful, sweet, or special to his or her teacher (or the world) as he or she is to you. This is a good thing. All children need someone to have their back (a parent or guardian) and all children need to be pushed (by the many teachers, coaches, mentors in their lives). Without both the support and the push students seldom reach their potential. Parents need to understand this and realize that it is as it should be. Every time you find yourself saying to a teacher, "You just don't understand Benji," stop yourself. Chances are the teacher understands Benji all too well. Chances are the teacher has seen many, many Benjis in his or her career and understands the dynamics of 14-year olds (or 8-year olds) much better than you do.
   
2. Unlike most adults, teachers make a living working with children. They know how children develop, what behavior is appropriate at certain ages (out in the world, not in your house), and they know what students will need to know to succeed in the world. Listen to them. Do I agree with everything my daughter's school says and does? No. But I do agree with most, and that will have to do. The world is an imperfect place, and we all need to make peace with imperfection. This goes for both public and private schools. Even if you pay a hefty fee each year for your child's K-12 education, you are not entitled to 100% agreement or veto power on what is or is not taught or how it is taught. You either buy into the whole, knowing you will not always agree; you go somewhere else where you can buy into and support the whole; or you homeschool. It's that simple. For everyone.
3. The apple never falls that far from the tree. Really. The first school I taught in was a boarding school and we rarely saw the parents. However, every once in a while parents would show up for a visit and want to speak to their child's teachers. Let me tell you, it was always an eye opener and it was always informative. Why is Benji so aggressive? Oh, his mother (or father) is always threatening to sue the school. Why does Benji act so entitled to good grades without effort. Let me see, his father (or mother) is always at school arguing about his grades. Why does Benji find it impossible to sit still? Let me guess, his mother (or father) is the same way. Once I switched to a public school, the evidence mounted. Now I always want to know more about the family when there is an issue with the student. And usually this information is critical in helping solve the problem. 
4. Teachers can tell when you compete work for your children. It's a no brainer. In fact, I can tell just by looking if a student has cut and pasted from the internet. A brief google check proves me right. Not only do teachers know what is developmentally appropriate at each age, but teachers get to know students work. A sudden change in level needs to be investigated. Each of these situations is a form of plagiarism and neither will help your child learn the skills they will need to be successful. You will die someday and I sincerely doubt that you want to be supporting your son or daughter when they are 35 with a spouse and children of their own. Let your child struggle a little bit--it's the only way to learn.
5. Children behave differently out in the world and with their peers than they do at home and around their parents. This is so obvious, and yet all parents forget it. Children are trying out a variety of "selves" when they are with their friends and at school. An otherwise sweet, bright, helpful 10-year old may be trying out a "mean girl" persona on the playground or the "I don't care about school" persona in the classroom. If a teacher draws your attention to unacceptable behavior, don't ignore it. Don't say, "Benji would never do that!" Jails are full of former children whose parents didn't believe the warning when they were given. Or your child could grow up to defraud the public in the country's biggest Ponzi scheme of all time. Or maybe he will just grow up to be a jerk. There are certainly plenty of jerks in the world who were once children. It all starts somewhere.
6. Your child is more resilient than you think. Students need to learn how to handle consequences, disappointment, and all the other bad things that go with being alive in this world. A parent's job is not to protect children from all of it, but to help them weather it. Providing children with tools to cope and modeling how to cope in difficult situations is greatest gift a parent can give a child--not making sure that everything goes his or her way. Life isn't fair--get used to it.
7. Your child knows how to play you (the parent) and me (the teacher) off against each other brilliantly. Yes, your little angel knows how to do this. My little angel certainly does. Don't play. When your child tells you something outrageous happened in the school one day, don't react much. Ask a few questions about why it happened and leave it. Then, if you are still worried, tell your child you are going to call the teacher directly to discuss it. Frame the issue as one of information gathering, "This is what Benji told me, but I suspect there is some missing information." Once your child sees that they can't lure you in to fighting their battles, they will stop. My father calls it, "Let's you and him fight!" and students are masters at it.
8. Your child really did earn that D (or C or A). Contrary to popular belief, students generally earn the grades they deserve. Rarely do teachers waist precious time "punishing" students with poor grades. The reasons for bad grades include not turning in homework, turning in homework late, not listening to the directions, and general inattention. That said, teachers are human and biases can creep in--it's human nature. If your child is a pain in the behind, it's hard to forget (just like it's hard to forget an employee who is a pain!). But then, if your child grows up to be a pain he may be that employee who gets laid off first. Children are like puppies, what's cute when they are babies is definitely NOT cute when they are grown (and we teachers never knew your child as a baby and don't have those cute memories to carry us through...).
9. Children lie, especially when their behinds are on the line. Well, maybe "lie" is too strong a word. Let's just say kids shade the truth--all the time. Yes, your kid. Really. They may tell you the teacher got mad at them but "forget" to tell you that they were disruptive in class (my daughter's favorite contextual omission). They are famous for telling parents, "The teacher didn't tell me how to do it." Most often this is not really the case (after questioning my daughter, I often get a surprised "Oh, we did this yesterday!). Healthy skepticism is the way to go. Over time patterns will emerge, and you will be able to tell what is real and what is not.
10. Children learn best when parents and teachers act like a team, not adversaries. Just as it's important for mothers and fathers to be on the same page when disciplining children, it is important for parents and teachers to work together. My best relationships with parents have been when we approached educating their child as equal partners with different areas of expertise. Always go directly to a teacher with a concern. Don't let it fester and don't go first to the principal. Remember, teachers know your child as you never will. Use them. Listen to them.

And finally, I won't ask you to be a perfect parent (or anything else, for that matter), if you don't ask me to be a perfect teacher.

Disclaimer #1: Lest you think I have it in for parents, rest assured. My next post will be on what teachers owe parents.

Disclaimer #2: Apologies to any Benjis out there. I heard the name a few days ago (after many years) and it stuck with me. All the Benjis I know (including, I'm reminded, my new brother-in-law--Ben now, Benji back then) are great people!

Knowledge Nugget: What is Merit Pay for Teachers and Why Has It Caused Such an Uproar?

Ah, yes. This is the big question on everyone's mind right now. President Obama has stated his support for merit pay for teachers and the reaction in the teaching profession is as though he has called for their public thrashing. 

First, the basics. There are many different types of merit pay proposals out there, but the issue is not "Should we have a merit pay system for teachers?" but rather "What kind of merit pay system for teachers should we have?" 

Most merit pay systems propose to give teachers a bonus if they improve student achievement in their class. This is on top of a teacher's salary. No teacher will lose money if their students do not do well on the test (although that is a thought....). 

The argument gets fuzzy, and is purposely mischaracterized by many, when it comes to deciding how to measure student achievement. Do we A) measure how many students a teacher moves into the "proficient" (or "advanced") category in one year (no matter where the students start the year) or do we B) measure how much teachers grow students (no matter where students end the year)?

Teacher unions are very afraid of A (and rightly so--a teacher could be doing a phenomenal job growing students, but because they came to her many grade levels below, she is not recognized) and don't want to think about the implications of B (because it begins with the premise that lack of achievement can be directly linked to substandard instruction). In order to illustrate the issue, let's look at three somewhat oversimplified examples.

Example one is a gifted and talented class. Mr. B's students begin the school year at the proficient or advanced levels and "grow" one grade level during the year, but no more. Should Mr. B get a bonus (merit pay)? No, he has only done the minimum required of a competent teacher.

Example two is a class in a relatively low performing school. Most of Ms. F's students begin the year two or three grade levels below where they should be according to state tests. Ms. F ends the year with most students growing two or more grade levels, yet many may still technically be below proficiency. Should Ms. F get a bonus (merit pay)? Yes, Ms. F has accelerated the growth of her students, growing them more than required.

Example three is an average class in an average school. Ms. Z's students come to her mostly testing that the proficient and advanced levels on the state test. Unfortunately, after a year in Ms. Z's classroom most students have lost ground, scoring significantly lower than the year before. Although they may still be proficient (for example, moving from a high proficient to a very low proficient), they have lost knowledge and skills that the next teacher will have to reteach. Should Ms. Z get a bonus (merit pay)? Absolutely not! In fact, she may want to reconsider teaching as a career.

Most people would agree that a teacher should be able to "grow" students one grade level per year on average. That seems a basic indicator of competence for a teacher. Data clearly shows that "low-impact" teachers (i.e. teachers whose students grow less than one year) can actually make students stupider over time. Remember, we are not talking about where the students start, just that they grow one grade level in one year. However, given that so many students in this country are behind, we also need to find and reward teachers who are able to do more--who are able to grow students two and three grade levels in one year.

The best solution to the merit pay debate would be a system that rewarded a bit of both. It's no good growing students unless they eventually reach proficiently, but teachers should not be able to coast on their high achieving students. And, believe it or not, there are three states already using a value-added assessment (VAA) to determine "high-impact" teachers and schools (although the merit pay issue is still as toxic in these states as it is everywhere else): Tennessee (the first system developed by the granddaddy of VAA, Dr. William Sanders), Ohio, and Pennsylvania, with more on the way. This seems like a solution to the problem, you say. Well, yes, it is. Is it perfect? Is anything? Would it move us in the right direction? Certainly.

So what's the problem, you ask? Teacher unions. Rather than joining the fight to develop a system that works for students and helps administrators build schools that educate all students, they quibble. Here are some sample arguments, some with merit, some without:

• The tests are of poor quality and/or biased;
  
• So much more than simple student achievement goes into determining proficiency;
  
• If I work in an under-performing school, then my students will never grow or reach proficiency, and I will never get a bonus; and 
  
• In secondary school it is impossible to tell exactly which teachers produce the gain or are responsible for the loss. 

Each of these arguments has a response that will be addressed in subsequent blogs, but if we as a nation believe that teachers make a difference (and the truth is they make a difference both ways--for better and for worse), then we owe it to children to continue to perfect a value-added assessment system that supports a merit pay system for teachers. Certainly more work needs to be done to improve the quality of the tests, the reliability of the value-added system, and instruction in general, but the focus needs to move from whether we should have merit pay for teachers to how to make it work.

For more background information see the National Center for Policy Analysis and the Progressive Policy Institute.

Tips for Parents: What is Academic Writing?

Writing is thinking. If you're not writing clearly, you're not thinking clearly. People cannot think without language, let alone communicate with others. There's no other way to teach "higher order thinking skills" or "critical thinking skills" than to ask students to write analytical responses to rich questions--not narrative or poetry. Like dieters looking for a magic pill, the educational system has tried and will try everything before doing what works.

Most of what is being explicitly taught about writing in schools focuses on the creative aspects of writing fiction or poetry; relatively little focus is put on the types of non-fiction academic writing that students will need to succeed in life and school, like the six non-fiction text structures, sentence (idea) combining, and transition words and phrases. My clients have never asked me to write a story about the results of a workshop. The IRS has consistently rejected my poems about why I need a payment plan.

If this focus on narrative, creative writing sounds illogical, that's because it is. The system focuses on writing as a creative art (as fiction is), rather than a learned, structured skill (as non-fiction is). Elementary school teachers explicitly teach narrative, descriptive writing and then hope that the students intuit how to transfer those skills to write clear, concise analytical responses to complex questions in secondary school. Parents are left to wonder why their children are not able to analyze and synthesize information. Many a parent whose children I work with confide that they are worried because their children write nonsense, that their thinking is superficial and simple. And it is, because they have never been taught any differently.

I can't tell you how many times I've had secondary teachers say to me, "These kids can't write!" Well, that is why they are in school, isn't it? To learn? Or students say to me "I know it, but I just can't explain it." Guess what? There's no such thing as knowing something without being able to explain it. That Emperor is buck naked and it's about time somebody noticed! Clarity of thinking doesn't happen accidentally. We forget that writing is nothing more than thinking made visible. To follow an other's thinking, communication needs to be logically organized and effectively communicated. How to do it needs to be taught, explicitly and systematically in every subject. There is no substitute, no magic pill that will make it happen without actual writing.

Middle and high school teachers often say to me, "I don't teach writing, I teach science (or social studies, or math). However, every teachers teaches thinking--or should do. While non-language arts secondary teachers may not teach grammar, usage, mechanics, and style, they need to teach students how to think and express complex ideas and information in their discipline--using the organizational structures and technical vocabulary most useful to that discipline.

So parents--ask your children's schools and teachers for more non-fiction, analytical writing across all subject areas. Ask when they will do it, why aren't they doing more of it, and what kinds of writing they are doing instead.

Considered (if Crackpot) Opinion: Why American Kids Are Bad at Math

International studies show that US students score near the bottom on international math tests (See the Trends in Math and Science Study, TIMSS). Even after years of reform and some improvement, the news is still bleak. Why is this? Well, I have a thought (go figure!).

Mathematics is its own language (see Mathematics as a Language as well as the writings of Dr. Warren Esty of the University of Montana) Because the US is so linguistically isolated, our students don't have a variety of linguistic templates in their heads. To them, communication is in English and that's it. The different "syntax" and "vocabulary" of mathematics throws them off. The language of mathematics presents as a foreign language, and we REALLY have a hard time with that. 

Just another plug for world languages--early and often!